Saturday, September 24, 2011
Where is my home?
1:05 PM
It's not that we choose to be prodigals. Drizzling. We have no home to return to...
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After such a long gap, I guess I will start with something recent. I went back to Hong Kong during the September holidays, just to catch up with myself and to have some rest... I guess it's not such a bad decision after all (:
For this trip, I stayed with my aunt. It's so amazing to know that there's still secluded areas in HK, with villas and small bungalows in the middle of a hill... All the people there travel by cars, so poor me have to walk downhill for 15 minutes to reach the train station (hehe, train station, not MRT/MTR). All's quite cool, given that I am given Taxi allowances so that I can rush back if I am late (so that they won't worry). Of course, I am glad that I brought proper clothes back, so that I look more like a white collar than a teenager, so that I can avoid all the strange glances and the risk of being kidnapped XD The environment is so good, with such a cool view, I guess it's really cool other than the part about walking. I wonder if it's because I am staying at such a secluded location or the transport costs have increased to sky high, since I spend SGD 1.50 each time travelling out to the town...
The view is so nice from the ferry, isn't it? Went to do all the things I thought I will never do again in HK. Took a huge detour to see the place which I lived in the past, took the old ferry across the sea from Kowloon to Hong Kong island, walked to all the places which I liked so much in my childhood, I think the only thing I missed was Ocean Park and its cable car (: So many things have changed since then, people learned how to speak better mandarin (at the expense of their English XP )
Used to feel that Hong Kong is my true home. Singapore is where I will study and work to contribute to the country, repay what it gave me and then retire to HK or Vancouver. Used to feel that I belong there. I thought it was meant to be. Hence, I would get hold of all sorts of opportunities to go out alone to take pictures, to take the MTR(MRT) at peak hours and many other funny things. I thought I need to use that limited time I had to experience all of HK and be like one of them there.
I guess, that naivety was so strong I thought it was my life's belief. Then I realised, there's no such thing as a permanent home. Because the home is where the heart is. I miss HK because of all the loved ones I have over there, I miss HK because it is where I can reunite with my friends and family. It was never because of what HK is. When I am about to leave, I saw the new Hong Kong Tourism Board slogan and the new spokesperson, Chow Yun Fat. "Tell Your Own Hong Kong Story". I guess it's kind of true, because HK is about what we feel and know about it. We all have our own unique story entwined with it.
Listening to "Home" by Kit Chan always make me teary, since the idea of a home that warm and ideal is so appealing and unrealistic, not to be found in this world. What is Home? Where is Home? I would say Home is where you feel comfortable and safe, Home gives you warmth and acceptance. Haha, this concept is bearing some resemblance to spiritual self-fulfilment XP Always hear talk about patriotism, nationalism, pride in the nation and immigrants being parasites. To me, there's no such thing as a permanent home, it doesn't exist. Why must there be strict boundaries defining who we are? Humans are not united by their complexion, their nationality or any physical criteria. We are united in our beliefs, our faith, our ideologies and our vision. But, there's always that set of traditional Chinese values which dictate that fallen leaves must return to their roots, that there's a certain degree of agony in leaving one's homeland. The tragedy in this is that, when one returns to his homeland to find that all has changed, the acceptance, the familiarity and the beauty had left. Where then is his home? I think I understand that feeling now. Because what we view as home is constructed by our imagination due to the yearning in the heart. Reality is cruel, though we have no one to blame but ourselves...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Heart is all that matters.
9:44 PM
The most touching thing on Earth is the heart. Sunny. Nothing can conceal the heart.
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Each one of us live among thousands of other humans everyday, and over time, we start to adapt and behave in a certain way. Many people nowadays lament a loss in the innocence which we held when we were children, or the lost of the initial passion in their work, studies and many other areas. Those who do not really understand blames this on the society and the contortion enforced upon them that forced them to change their mindset, however, I beg to differ. The heart is the most important and the effect of a person's life comes from the bottom of his heart.
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I got engaged in a discussion about singers and their singing recently, all that about Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis and many others. It led me to think about them and the songs they sang. I start to understand why we favour them singing live compared to recordings. They may not hit all the notes as in recordings, but they sing with their emotions and they move their crowd with their heart. The idea about Susan Boyle simply came into my mind. I do not know if any of you out there remembered, but I actually preferred her first performance of I dreamed a dream compared to her final performance. I thought she touched me during her first performance. Her performance during the finals was better in terms of the technique, the strength, the background and etc, however, there wasn't any more emotions that touched me. The angst about a dream killed by Life was lost already...
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A chat among friends led to Stomp today (astonishingly without a link, I know), and eventually the reserved seats. Deep inside, we all know we need to give our seats to people who need them more than us, don't we? I am not sure how many of you do, but for me, I would give my seat to a weary white collar during peak hours just because I know he needs it more than I do, not because he has white hair or she is pregnant. However, people in this nation fail, even after the hideous distinct colouring of seats which was meant to prompt. People start to blame the environment, start to blame others, start to blame education and many others. There is no such thing as a righteous crime, you only do wrong when you lose your morals, do not blame it on anything...
I watched a drama serial that was Margaret Thatcher's favourite recently, "Yes, Minister". In the drama serial, the Minister battles the bureaucracy and struggles to abolish the unnecessary hierarchy and abominable red tape. He was stopped repeatedly by his technocratic, bureaucratic secretary and succeeded in few areas, but he remained true to himself, trying again and again, failing again and again. He might be viewed as stupid and unskilled, but he is respected for his passion.
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On Friday, some classmate of mine shouted at another for shaking his legs during the exams. "AS IF WEARING EARPLUGS WAS NOT ENOUGH, YOU HAVE TO DISTURB ME BY SHAKING YOUR LEGS!" Haha, I guess that explains well why we always have a bad impression and prejudice against PRCs. You are such a rude and self-centered snob that I wanted to silence you right on the spot. In the exam, you are only expected to look to the heavens for help, look down to think of the hell you are in and at the paper to get over with. WHO ASKED YOU TO LOOK AT OTHER'S LEGS?? I guess no matter how you disguise yourself with all that formalities and those fake things, you are still that person inside. The exam wasn't that bad until you have to push the blame onto somebody else. You are still that bloody barbaric Philistine in heart, nothing has changed. If you continue to hold on to that obnoxious and haughty attitude, thinking that all the rest of us are fools, I don't think any amount of education will be able to save you.
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Went to Batam with a bunch of friends in the holidays. In retrospect, we haven't actually achieved much, but I know all of us put in our heart and soul into doing it, so it didn't really matter if we did alot. The children were really happy to have us around, and I'm glad all of us managed to see from a different perspective.
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In conclusion, we may be judged according to our actions, but that is because they attempt to decipher our actions and understand our heart. Do not fear about not being understood, just stay true to your heart. If you are living what your heart tells you to, there's no doubt that you will manage to let others see what you feel for.
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You can't conceal what you thought, just like how I didn't manage to hide what I felt.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I have Hope
11:53 PM
Time flies. Cool. Some things don't change.
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I am back, after a month of Hiatus, which isn't exactly a break since I'm forced to abandon blogging as tests draw near. Many major events happened in this past month or so, polling day, tests, trip to the Dog park and many other funny stuff. I guess there's alot to catch up on, and I hope I don't miss out anything...
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First things first. I hereby salute Mr. George Yeo for his services to the nation and declare my utmost respect for the man who contributed to Singapore's clean, efficicent and friendly international image among our international trading partners/allies alike.
That only shows that PAP has itself to blame and nobody else. Haha, Congratulations to Mr. Low and team. I have to say that the GRC system led to this current situation; one shouldn't push the blame on WP or anybody else. Such audacity to think that Singaporeans are not gutsy enough. I am so glad people proved them wrong. Mr. Yeo is not wrong, nor at fault, he's just at the wrong place at the wrong time. For too long they have been blinded by their ego and self-righteousness. No one/party is omni-potent and omni-conscious. They're not God. Stop telling us what you think is right and start listening to us XD The WP might be the barbarians whom you depuict them to be, or so they admit, but they are willing to learn, willing to listen and they know what we want. Obviously PAP won't know how expensive things have become...
However, it's encouraging to see some changes and see the ruling oarty's attempt to placate us. Well, it's such a comfort to see Wong Kan Seng, OUT. Raymond Lim OUT. Mah Bow Tan OUT. Haha, if I've known that they won't be used in the future cabinet, I did rather Nicole Seah/Chiam See Tong uproot them once and for all XP Its so hilarious to see some PAP supporters flame on forums: 'OI, IF YOU'RE KICKING THEM OUT, WHY SHOULD I EVEN VOTE FOR HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?'
The truth is, Singapore will still move on without one or two individuals, and it is not true that there are individuals who can't be replaced, maybe except our dearest ______ to some people (I wonder if it means that only he is entitled to that post since GCT is only appointed Emeritus SM...) Today, we should move on and be the strongest nation, bonded by our seek for fraternity, equality, liberty and prosperity (haha, I thing the fourth aim is added in and constantly over-emphasised by PAP...)
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School. What does this word mean to you today? Studies? Homework? CCA? Results? Teachers? Friends? How many of us really think of school as a place for us to gain knowledge? I have to say many things happened to the current education system today that it breeds elitism, segregation and conformation.
Our school is a brilliant example. What more prominent than a school with over 95% (maybe more) Chinese? The racism and prejudice has developed to such an extent that it is almost a norm in the school. Where is the racial harmony? Where is the acceptance for other cultures? That many announcements ard the school montage is in Chinese shows the blatant disregard we have the minority. Others show it when they interact with other races or people outside. The B______ word seem to be a proper name for all South Asians and they view people with such xenophobia that they generalize some groups as thieves...
'The educated people will vote for PAP.' This is something one would hear from an __ian. I am so ashamed to be addressed in the same group/category as this ignorant pompous fool. Our school is a beneficiary from the extremely skewed education system, with rumours floating around about our school's CCA annual funds being larger than a neighbourhood school's annual budget. Of course you would support the PAP, they're the best to you. What about those who were left behind? You don't care. What about those who need help? It doesn't matter to you since PAP treats you well? It's ignorance at least, arrogance at large. No wonder we have such a strange design for school uniform. I can foresee a whole bunch of apathetic PAP leaders coming out of our school...
The school syllabus might be broad based, but deep inside, it's still down to rote learning. We're still not much more different from decades ago. People are still assessed on how well they manage to regurgitate. The so called changes in the assessments only serve to drive educators harder to come up with more advanced teaching methods, aiming to cramp all the excess and unneeded information into every students' brain. Nothing has improved, maybe it has worsened...
Nevertheless, we have hope. Change can start from us. In order to make your opinions heard, you need be strong. The largest irony in Sir Ken Robinson and other pioneer educators must be the fact that they succeeded and prospered in the flawed system and now stands in a good position to criticize and reform it. One day, we can, and we will change into what we believe in. In the meantime, we leave it up to those in the system who really feel for what they are doing to keep the system going. I have to say I am very inspired by certain teachers this year. They've showed the perfect balance between professionalism, passion and humanism. We can count on them to inspire change, though they may not be in the position to bring the change themselves.
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Despair is not what I need.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Are we more shaped by environment or do we shape it?
6:14 PM
Something is wrong in our society. It is not the environment any more. Rainy. It's the mindset.
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After so many years in this country, I've adapted the Singaporean English, the Singaporean Mandarin (which I assure you is way better than the way we speak it from where I come from) and also the Singaporean tastebud. However, there are always things I never manage to understand.
Case 1:
When the first coloured "reserved" seats came out, I wondered, wasn't the whole row mean for the more needy in the first place? Japanese, British and Americans alike will probably be astounded. Ok, maybe we need some rules to help us do the right things. Yet, EVEN then, there are so many instances of indifferent Singaporeans sitting in those seats while looking at the pregnant lady or elderly in front of them, like as if nothing is wrong. I would not even like to comment on those who fell asleep so magically when they see needy passengers.
Case 2:
Recently, I witnessed another thing I thought I would only get to see on newspapers or commentaries outside of Singapore. What is the point? Cabbing in for a free cone. How ironic. To a certain extent the company is trying to do product promotion and customer sales analysis. However, anyone notice the charitable nature of this event? So many people were insouciant when getting their ice cream, as if the booth asking for donations is invisible. Ignorance is forgiven, yet then I see people reading with the flyers, before playing with them by throwing it around... I am so affected by this scene... It is so offending. I dare not say the people from where I come from will not go for a second or third serving, but I can assure you, we respect those in need and those who offer a helping hand
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The argument about giving support in reflecting customer opinion and hence eating more cones is bad, you just need a cone. The fact that you are only concerned over exploiting the opportunity and getting the free cone is accentuated by the fact that you do not really care even bother to donate. I am so amazed that you can eat it so unabashedly, without worrying that you may be seen as being greedy.
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I have to say I'm disappointed. As how critics and comics slammed alike, a number of Singaporeans rush for free gifts, run away from donations. I didn't believe it, I chose to trust all of us to be the civilised citizens and compassionate people, yet some of us turn out to be, I know its harsh, but,
cheapskate (using the Singaporean Lingo).
The majority cares and progresses on, but this minority taints the reputation and image just like the exagerrated and negative portrayal of the way we speak English.
Debate:
So is it our mindset that shapes the environment or is it the environment that makes us behave in such a way? To a certain extent, I have to say the environment plays a big part. I am not sure on whether people from where I come from are really willing to give up their seats to the needy when they do it, as doing otherwise will draw unwanted attention and unflattering glares from onlookers.
Donations are often very generous, though people walked quickly and won't bother to scrutinise unless it is really suspicious. It's really hard to believe that in view of this recent Japanese earthquake, there are numerous individuals donating more than the Singaporean government... Not flaunting, those people are filthy rich, I admit, but I don't believe we're that poor either...
The entire society is characterised by efficiency and speed being the raison d'etre, where people are made to stroll only on the side of walkways, leaving the centre portion for people walking in wide strides, doing their jobs like as if there is no tomorrow.
read an article on
http://www.myfiftycentsworth.blogspot.com/ recently, which talks about the education being over focused on mathematics and science, with a “hierarchy” of subjects, Mathematics and Sciences ranking at the top, followed by languages and humanities such as Economics and History.
In this case, does the sytem necessarily matter? What do you think will happen one day if we have philosophy, architecture and music as compulsory subjects? I can foresee students complaining about haveing the additional burden of more subjects, parents writing to the ministry to question the rationale of wasting their children's time on the so called "not useful" subjects. Our society already has the prejudgment that the only way to success in life is in the science and math stream. The cliche prejudice that artists and musicians not being successful careers still stands today.
Even if given a choice, few would dare to choose. Despite how much we want to deny it, we are uncertain on the career prospects of the arts stream. Before we ask for a change in system, I would say we need a change in mindset. One day, when you realise that our society has had enough of engineers and financial consultants, you will notice the appearance of musicians, aritists and many others. We have always been very utilitarian in our decisions concerning education.
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I still have much more to say, but I guess they can wait...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Ordinary is luxury.
11:03 PM
I don't need life to be a bed of roses. Sunny. I just want a smoother journey.
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Well, today after some thought, I’ve decided to write. Some time ago, I would choose not to post if there are no special events or so called “Revelations”. However, as time moves on, I kind of feel that life is packed with too much content and important things that are so tiring and bothersome. Things like our dearest P being as offensive as usual, Smiley face, mysterious K/CSM, Surely, all these occurrences are being less fun to mention as days pass. Then of course, the typical Year 6 routine, tests, tests and tests.
So I guess I'm just going to talk about a thing that I feel that I have lost over these 2 years -the Ordinary.
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One most important thing I feel that I missed over these 2 years is to spend more time outside with my dogs... Well, going out with them used to be something I do once or twice a month. Bring Charles and Jojo back to where Charles came from, showing them the pool where they first swam in, let them meet up with their fellow dogs and give them the freedom to run in the park without a leash.
Hmm, he's so popular among the children and the adults. I don't know if you guys notice, but Cocker Spaniels have deep sunken eyes with a sorrowful gaze, as if they're hiding something sad. I wonder if that's me trying to impose my thoughts and feelings on him or he's genuinely affected by the fact that he left his sister Jojo at home and went out to have fun with us XP
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I found my pair of suede boots at Ben Sherman in Paragon already... I guess that's something I'll bag home this weekend with another interesting, thick book on conspiracy theories. Haha, that is provided that I Pass and score a B for the chemistry test that I did today. I'm betting my whole weekend on it, please don't disappoint me... I spent the weekend memorising chemistry, doing chemistry worksheets and asking chemistry questions, I sincerely want to do well for this test... Help me...
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Now to talk about something serious and fun at the same time. Some student went against P and it sparked off an active debate on why people dislike him so much. Throughout the discussion, people listed him as being racist, elitist, crude, rude, uneducated and possibly offensive. However, at that moment, I thought I can ignore whatever mindset he has, whatever purpose he has, whatever things he said, I can simply judge him on the advantages he has brought to the school.
That leads me to the question, can I really overlook his morality and character and accept him? Am I ready to move over his faults and deal with him solely with what he has accomplished? Winston Churchill was a heavy smoker, blunt and stubborn person, being rather offensive at times. Yet he is widely acclaimed as the one who led Britain to victory for WWII.
But if only the end product matter, that will make me a ruthless consequentialist. Despite being thankful for what he has done so far, I guess I have to voice my concern over his various shortcomings, such as his inability to excercise moral leadership and rampant nepotism among school staff. Freedom can be included. However, according to experience, I think all of us should accept the fact that performance and improved welfare at times come at the price of losing one's freedom.
Will talk about it next time.
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Don't be so eager, since time will reveal everything.
I do not think many of you understand how important it is to me, getting a place where I can forget about my studies, just stare into blank space or the blue sky. It sounds pathetic, but it is true that I am enjoying the same freedom and space as Jojo and Charles. It is my favourite place, and I guess I am apologetic to both my dogs and myself for not taking some time to visit again.
But in some cases, I guess necessity takes over. Charles is 3 years old this year (21+ in age), yet all his life he has been following his elder sister that he has no idea how to play and go for walk alone. So I guess I had to bring him to WCP and also give myself some chance to gaze upon the other side of the blue Singapore sky. Here he is...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
8:40 PM
Years have passed, yet something remains. Sunny. Give me a reason, just one is enough. Why??
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Hmm, after much thought, I shall return to my usual way of documenting the a day in my own way. No more posts with abstract contexts or political touches. Something must be worth mentioning, just not sure what. You shall decide, haha, whoever's out there who so happens to stumble into my blog by accident. Anyone?? Haha, tag on the things you want me to talk about, I promise to write. Seriously, I am running out of content/ideas, and I think I'll write just anything...
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After friday, everyone got so motivated to study and try their best. Everyone was thinking about having their names appear on the screen in 2011. Yet I am there thinking about the chemistry results, post mortem, if that's what you call it... Haha, hard to imagine and also quite a waste of time to think about a year later, if I were you. I mean that dream can only be achieved by starting work today. I'm in no position to criticize of course, but ya, you should get what I mean...
Today, we get another weird dialogue session, which was actually C trying to sum up his short stay with us. Well, you'll be missed, since we'll be scolded in singlish without any change and there won't be anyone who can stop K and save us from those quirky schemes which I think brings us harm instead of the benefits K claim they will bring.
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There're those who have their dreams, there're those who choose to sip the cream of life slowly, there's those who have no dreams, nothing to enjoy, nobody to think about and choose to wait for something to drop from the sky. Haha, I guess, it isn't exactly a bad thing. I've been through this before, just that I didn't have a MEGA examination in 8 months then XP
I'm still waiting , thinking of what I want to do, what I can do and what I should do. In the mean time, I make sure I have the ability and others to back up my decision, which I hope comes soon... Well, for the first time in my life I wished I was more decisive and less easy going, other than the many times when you guys make me choose the place to eat at... I will succeed, I will, even if I don't see what I'll be succeeding in yet...
For the mean time, I'll work hard, let's assume I like Southampton or Bristol (: One thing's for sure though, I will not stay in Singapore if I had a choice. There's something in this system that disturbs me... The meritocracy which in reality evolved into elitism and people studying not for learning, but for achieving the desired grades...
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The Kosong Prata gang gained momentum in the class, with the constant chanting of "School badge good, school tie better" in class and all thsoe shrewd, shameless product placements... Filter paper with the url scribbled on it, facebook, msn and whiteboards. I wonder what will come next, maybe tissue paper with that cutie's face printed on it being given out in the canteen and a huge portrait of him with that classic act cute smile being hung in the canteen... Something like... THIS??
I know this is quite overdue, but yes, I think you should get my idea now... Of course, we shouldn't focus on the looks, try reading the articles, they're worth the time. Unless you are really a genuine critic with no care for the school or what we're experiencing, then of course, don't waste your time.
There's something really wrong that's going on and I don't think we should take a back seat in this. Join in the active discussion and make yourself part of this??
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Memory is like a small puddle of water in a pair of hands. One can choose to let go or to hold it tightly by clenching the fist. Yet in the end, it still drips through the cracks in between the fingers, slipping out of your grasp.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
5:34 PM
You can't make me more appreciative. Sunny. The issue wasn't with me all along.
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I love my school, not the management and its policies...
